cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
