$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
