Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
