dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
