put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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