i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
