just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
ugly people sure do ruin things
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's never too late to be topless.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
