I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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