Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
