going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
