So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
