Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
