it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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