oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
