haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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