He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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