She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
