Already got asked if we're dating
I hate your face
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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