did you get engaged???
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
