The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
