I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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