she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
