dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
