2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
