After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
