i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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