a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The feeling are messing with the penis
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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