Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
