Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
