I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize