She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
