Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
love makes seman taste better
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
