Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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