shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
