Why does Corona taste like a burp?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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