Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Randomize
