At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
