Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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