Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
