No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it's like iHOP with fire
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
