you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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