just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
