Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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