Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
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