so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
