She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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