That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
