guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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