My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
