it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
