I am midnight drunk by noon
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
