So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
