My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
