1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Plan B is the new Plan A
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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