You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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