why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
