I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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