so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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