dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
