We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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