It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
well you can't waste a boner
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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