READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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