The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
