I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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