Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
