dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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